I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
