I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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