I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
