Your tits are I can't wait for
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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