What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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