i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
