My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
