Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
