There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
