as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
