can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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