Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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