Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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