No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need to calm my uterus...
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