I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
