This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
