Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
