Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
There's even glitter on my cock...
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