I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
