The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
