wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
