no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize