Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
