Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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