ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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