the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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