R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
