come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
