totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
