Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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