He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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