sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i think my cat just said my name.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
