I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
