I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
