I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
