i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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