My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
