I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
