You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
