My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
