There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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