Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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