No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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