Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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