my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
