R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
