So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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