So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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