dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
