Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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