My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
