drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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