whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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