She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize