Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
