I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
that is very illegal...i love you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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