new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
