Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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