If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
