i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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