College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
