found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize