stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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