and she was petting her beer can
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
