Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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