You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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