Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
