so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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