I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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