i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
