I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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