it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
